口译

口译这条路，不知不觉也走了好几年了。
辛酸史先放一边，说说最近什么促使我写这一篇心得吧。

前些天，早上五点多睡眼惺忪的上了出租车后，
师傅突然兴致勃勃的转头问我，怎么才能成为一名口译啊。
师傅认识我这个常客，也知道我是做口译的。
师傅说，东京奥运不是快到了嘛，想放眼2020，到时可以为民服务！
我还想说，师傅你这一大早，那满腔热血。。。
当下我还真被问懵了。我还没睡醒啊~

但老实说，我真想不起具体是什么巧合促使我走上这条路。
是大三那年上的翻译课？看的NHK手语翻译？想通过翻译学好日语？
应该都有吧。
想想当时身边没个吃这行饭的，居然也能让我下定决心前进。
磕磕碰碰的，就这样一路走过来了。

大学院一年级，教授们就把我们批得体无完肤。
像我这种连个稳妥妥的A语言都没有的菜鸟，基本知识上限还超低的，
可想而知，心口上被乱刀插得血淋淋的，伤口裂开了，未痊愈再被挑开。
日复一日，不练成强心脏，厚脸皮也难。
习惯这种虐法的时候，是几个月后的事了吧。
自尊心，在口译这行属禁忌。
自尊心越强大，被绊得越狠，前进成长速度越慢。
当然，有越挫越勇的同志，也有禁不起践踏转而放弃的。
教授们的毒舌，也是为了学生好。
只能说大家各有所需。

说回口译。
说实在，口译也是一种演出。
和钢琴家舞蹈家一样，很多时候不只靠努力，自信往往决定胜负。
没有自信，准备的再充裕，也没办法百分之百诠译演讲者和自己想表达的话语。
别说100%，50%都难。
你声音抖啊抖的，信赖度大大减低，想听你说话的欲望当然也低，
大家耳朵没在听的话，你说什么谁还听得见？

有时候内容复杂，越翻越不懂，
被其他听得懂两种语言的指出纠正，
或别人实在看不过去，为你代劳的时候，
真想找个地洞往下挖，有多深埋多深。

只能说
Fake it till you make it.
在自己自信指数为负的时候，打肿脸皮也要装。
撑过去。
被自卑心击败了，听众就什么都听不到了，站在那儿的意义也就没了。
上场了，就必须撑到底。
错了没关系，认了，再继续。
这段不懂，下一段懂啊。

没有人一开始就熟知A~Z啊。

这行涉及的领域何其广大。

难免遇到自己不明白的内容。

尤其是同传，只要准确抓好主谓宾结构，排列成对象语言，对方也可能就可以勉为其难的理解。

这做法虽然不太专业，但总比什么都不说来得强。

很多时候就是一边蒙，一边心里默默祈祷对方明白。

默默念着，我不明白，对方明白，我不明白，对方明白，我不明白，我不明白。。。对方明白！

前提是主谓宾得抓对。

可是基于技术用语，动词，名词都相当模糊，就算真的抓错了，还有希望抓个大概。

不翻，什么都没有。

最重要的是，下场了，自己要多多提问，多加复习，

内容理解了，下次就不会卡了。

口译这行，学无止尽。

每一场口译，都像是一个又一个的考场。

没有资料提供给你的时候，就是一场突袭考试。

有资料的时候，往往就是与时间赛跑，加紧预习内容，抓生字。

有时，还真希望没有资料。

那一叠又一叠的ppt，分分钟让我冲动想烧了喝下去。

上场不只拼脑力，拼速度，还要观察主场氛围。

这块还真是个灰色地带。

的确，把原文准确诠译是很重要。

但有些时候，翻译也需要掌握我方要的是什么，对方能给的是什么，

会议都是有时间限制，打官腔归打官腔，

但圈子绕大了，跑题的可能性也大。

当然如果这是我方的战略，另当别论。

可能很多人不会赞同，但我觉得有些场面做翻译就该适时收一收尾。

答非所问很多时候会导致争论白热化，对双方都没好处。

要学的，太多太多。

有些，是我一开始没想到的。

很多都是边学，边做，边领悟。

学校能教你的很有限。

把胸襟打开，自尊心放下，才能继续往前迈进。

自尊心，就该跟薯片一样薄。

2018

去年11月份，我因为工作搬到了宇都宫。

LA那份工作让我找到了对口译的快乐与热情。

可是对于日本的这份工作，打从第一场面试，我就有种说不清的抗拒。

就算是如此，我还是一边抗拒，一边接下了工作。

最大的动力，还是因为希望可以找回那份热情。

口译考验的不只是脑力与速度，还关系着临场反应和表现。

即使是份高压的工作，但却肾上腺素巨升，很过瘾。。

LA，我有个让我信任，让我成长的团队，使我在高压环境下得以如鱼得水。

来到这里，虽然违背我的直觉，我还是默默地期望着会与我想象中有所不一样。

结果，是挺让人失望的。

工作上得不到满足感，让我失去了来到这里的意义。

的确，和三个月前相比，我被委托的件数增加了。

可是这种处处被限制的感觉，让我快透不过气了。

是个蛮不错的平台。

可惜，没法好好伸展。

是会慢慢改变的。可惜我没那个耐性等到那一天。

我已经迫不及待的想离开了。

。。。可是，就算离开了，又能到哪里去呢。

快三十的我，对未来充满憧憬，满满的战斗力，缺少了个能让我施展翅膀的平台。

迷茫啊。。。

或许该是时候自己经营事务所了。

再见

1月3日2018，我把我们家的小美送走了。
一直都在想，是不是太匆促了。
是不是该让它继续努把力。
明明都一直躺着的它，上了车后居然坐起来了。
医生说，后腿脱臼了。应该痛得不行。
所以昨天喜欢吃的肉都不碰了。

以前就有关节炎，让它无法自由行动。上小号都需要扶持。
无法行动让它身上多了许多疮，上了药，好了一些，不久又多了几道伤口。
看着它在地上发抖的身体，真的很心痛，很心痛。

想到在送往兽医的路途上，它突然变得精神许多了的样子，
现在的我，真的很后悔把它送走。

或许，它还可以再坚持一下下。
或许，它还想活下去，而我们却剥夺了它活下去的权利。
或许，这对它来说是最好的解脱
或许。。。太多的或许

送走它，真的只是为了想减轻它的痛苦吗。
不，也是因为它的无法自理，而我们没有办法在它身边照顾它，让它过的好一点。
性命的延续，对它来说真的是最好的吗
手术，痛楚，折磨它，也是在折磨我

小美，请原谅我的自私
请原谅我这一世没能好好的照顾你
请原谅我没有给你带来更多的欢乐
希望你终于自由了
不再被关在谁的院子里
也不再被病痛所折磨

我很想很想你
你软软的黄毛
可爱的两只大耳朵
萌萌的双眼
湿湿的鼻子
会永远留在我心里

家里空荡荡的，感觉你仍然无处不在，却已经不在了。
15年的老朋友，望你一路好走。

Another crossroad

Another year came and gone by. Literally in the blink of an eye.

May is the month that determines if I get to stay on. I am blessed to have family and friends who kept checking in with me, asking about my status. Guys, I am hoping to have an answer soon. But before that, I am as clueless as everyone else.

June is fast approaching, my last day, June 6th,is just around the corner. If it is just me, I wouldn't be that anxious. With everyone asking and expressing their worries on behalf of me, that got me anxious. I am easily affected by atmosphere around me, much more than I care to admit.

But come to think of it, this is not my first time doing a switch.

When I was in college, I made the call to apply for the 1 year experience abroad. The interview was in March, and result was out in August. A long5 months wait.
When I applied for MIIS and UQ, the wait was about 2 or 3 months for the letter of acceptance.
When I decided to go on a gap year, gosh the whole process was so fast that I can't remember what happened exactly. But it was all is settled within 2 months, and I was in Singapore and Japan later.
When I applied for various companies after graduation, the wait for the offer letters to come wasn't that long, 2 weeks or less, but it felt like months have past.

The wait is getting shorter, however it felt more intense one after another. Maybe it is because there are more at stake each time. Moving 5 times in 2016 was crazy tiring. Moving my stuff around the globe is going to be worst. I guess that part stresses me out a lot.

Recently someone told me something that enlightened me.

Look straight, think of what you want to do, what you want to become and you will achieve it. Or at east be on track working towards that. Yes, there are plenty of conditions and factors in life that you have to consider, but do not let that weigh in more than where you want to be.

After 20 some years, I am still not 100% sure about what I am looking for. There is always doubt. but say if I were to go down that path again, I will be making the same decisions I bet.

May was especially tough at some times. It seems after all these months, my life decided to stir up a whirlwind after being calm and tranquil for most of the time.

I was in an accident at the beginning of the month. No one was hurt, and I wasn't at fault. The person that bumped into me was nice. Still the whole process felt long and gruesome. After 2 weeks, it finally got settled, and I got my car back from the shop, in dust though, they didn't bother to clean it for me.

Then I was in a difficult situation with my agency, a lot for me to take in after almost a year of employment. At a point, all I wanted to do is to leave them, and not have anything to do with them ever. But in actuality, I can't. I woke up everyday, tormented by these thoughts for almost a week. I tried talking sense into myself. To focus on what I am really aiming for, that these are the rough patches between that. Now I did feel a whole lot better. The world is never going to change, so I have to. Till now, I have done my best to negotiate, I did what I could on my end, and there is nothing more that I can do at this point.

There should be more to worry about during these months of change, but with these on my plate, its almost full that I don't have the energy to worry about others. It is sort of a blessing :)     

May will soon past and June will come. Let the real change began.  

thepistrophy.com

An update

The month of June was a month of roller coaster.

I am just beyond grateful to have found a job. My new job brought me to sunny LA.

The whole employment process went on smoothly for most of the part, so did the temp housing, rental car and whatnot.

I started working almost immediately after my transition to LA. Actually even before I could unpack my stuff. For the first two weeks, I was mainly observing, asking questions, and I am still asking questions two months later now. The automotive industry was a whole new world to me.

I was overwhelmed with a mixture of fear, excitement, and busy catching up with the super fast paced work environment, feeling my way around the foreign, new surrounding.

Interpretation has a lot to relate to the world of arts and performance. To reproduce something from the manuscript, you have to first understand the background of it, the essence of the story and coming up with a performance for your audience. I am definitely no performer. I have stage frights, all the time. I get nervous, I get self-conscious. It will take all of my effort to separate myself from "me" and concentrate on whatever that I am producing.

Interpreting under such circumstances, talking to audience that you don't really know, talking about something that you DON'T UNDERSTAND, requires some training and effort. This is where the training at MIIS kicks in. My rule No. 1: Fake it, fake it, until you make it. I mean, what more can I do. Being an interpreter, I am suppose to facilitate conversations, not stall time and make them explain whatever tech stuff, tech terms that's flying around like common sense to everyone. The biggest obstacle is probably no the technical knowledge that is lacking. Swallowing the fear for the unknown, and making myself believe that what I am saying are facts, is. And I can feel my mentality to comprehend such situation, is expanding. The adrenaline kicks in, feeling the fear, and overcoming it, catching up with the unknown, catching up with the speaker's speed, being able to feel all of this makes me appreciate even more for being in this field. I am enjoying the ride.

Meanwhile, if you are riding on the waves, there are ups, and of course, downs. There are days where I have zero compassion to myself. Mentally torturing and beating up myself for mistakes, blanks, misinterpretation, hearing capability and the list goes on. My mentor at MIIS used to say, I don't really need harsh comments on my performance, that I have a lot of self conscious. Feeling useless and weak, not being able to perform well...IS NOT GOING TO DO ANY GOOD. The solution: SUCK IT UP AND GET GOING.

It's life, you have to move on.

It's also a rough path. Stumbling and floundering in the dark, falling over and struggling to get up, and the whole process repeats, until one day, one day, you will get use to the rocks and obstacles. Just keep going and one day you will manage to glide through smoothly, and probably that's the day when you need a change in life.

For now, just enjoy the ride.

  

★享受★

水煮鱼般的人生

Post-graduate

    When I first graduated from my undergrad, I didn’t really get the taste of post-grad syndrome. I got employed right out of college and one employment leads to another, until I got into grad school. I was lucky to have jobs. But I didn’t realized it then. 

Grad school was tough, mentally straining and challenging. I enjoyed my two years, and have never lived fuller in my life before. Each day was packed with schedules, library hours, part-time jobs, assignments, to a point that my sense of time became so vague, it seems like some of the events that happened this morning happened some time yesterday or the day before. I would miss (now, can't say when I started working officially) the vicious cycles of translation due dates, that kept me going week after week without having any sense of weekends. Monday, Tuesday....Friday, Monday, Tuesday... TGIF doesn't apply. Why? Because Saturdays and Sundays are part of the cycle!! Basically I spent loads of time at the library, be it studying or working.

The good news is, I graduated. Hooray!!! 

Now, "What’s next?" would be the question.

Looking at my classmates, not many, just 9 of us in this batch, 7 of us went (back) to Japan.Only one secured a job at a government department, which was pretty awesome, and the rest were just moving there and looking to apply for jobs. Some got married, some planning on getting married, things seem to work out pretty well for them. They are all moving to their next destination. 

For me, I plan on staying for a little, since I have the opportunity to do so. 

I submitted endless application through online job boards, and things were just stagnant after an interview or two in the beginning. Sometimes I wonder if I was simply blocked by the systems because I just don't hear anything from them! I was even happy to receive a letter of rejection, I mean, that shows that it recognized my application. Know that feeling of recognition? 

And then there was (well, is) my housing situation. After cutting ties with my previous housing (crazy woman who made my life more interesting.), I got into a new place with help from a friend. And I moved. That was during the semester, in the middle of my roller-coaster ride. Luckily, I got help from Marty, who was nice enough to help me move my stuff. And then I stayed for a month or so. And I moved again. Not because I want to, because I had to. And this time, I get to stay till the 14^th of June which is like another 12 or 13 days? 

Moral of the story: You should really be grateful to have shelter, and even better, warm food to come home to. 

What happens after the 14^th is still a mystery. Hopefully by then I would know where to go, I know, I said that in Feb, March, April and May too. Had a couple of interviews and exams lately, those were worse than finals. Sight trans, consec and simul both ways took all my energy after each interview. Wonder how am I ever going to survive with my current brain stamina if I ever got accepted. Have another one coming up this Friday. Well, two actually. One just requested me to stop by while I am in LA. And two more translation test tomorrow. 

I am just exhausted. What will happen if I start working?

…That is if I get a job!

All in all, things were pretty hectic after graduation. Our career advisors prepared us during school time for job hunts and job expectation, but none of them turned out according to the timeline they laid out for us. Felt hopeless, but you have to do what you have to do to survive. Fail, get up, try again. Fail again, get up, try again. ...The cycle of life. 

 

You are what you think

Been job hunting lately.
As I proceed toward the diverging roads, there were just less and less people in front for me to sample.
We came from different backgrounds, got through the same program, and this is the time when we embark on a different course.
Graduating in two months, translations piling up high and numbed by stress.
Other than that I am perfectly fine. I almost feel zen, walking through this chaotic and unknown path that leads to God knows where. 
As more and more people started asking, so where will you be after graduation, have you found a job, what do you want to do etc. etc., I start to get a clearer picture of where I am heading, what I want, and what should I avoid.
Of course, there are also times when I feel ---worthless. Often, in fact.

But, I try not to let it weigh me down.
Why should I let myself be defined by others?
Does their opinion really matter?
Is that all I've got?
Do they even know me.

NO.

YOUR opinion about YOURSELF matters the most to the universe.
And only you know what you are capable of.
You are what you think. 

Have more faith in yourself.
Stop looking at others and focus on your path. 

「現在地」

I can totally understand why some of my friends are anti-Facebook.
Not just one, but a few of them just refuse to own a Facebook account.
Sometimes I find myself staring at the wonderful shares from friends and family, wondering what I am doing here while everyone else is getting ahead in life.
It takes a moment to knock myself out of it, pushing the "I am here" button, reminding myself that my "present" is here and now.
When the world swirls around you, making you feel small and alone, it does take some effort to keep focus.
Yeah, look and feel, but keep moving girl :)

青春一去不复返

相较于从前，我在美国的这段日子过的紧凑实在很多
大学院和大学的分别，就是以为大学已经努力100%了
 唯一的目标就是让自己的成绩贴近4.0那完美的靶标
结果现在回首一看，怎么越看越像是混过来的啊 （。。。说不定也就是混的）
JLPT N1过了就得瑟，还以为那是终站了呢
如果好好利用那时的时间来恶补语言上的弱点
现在的时间也不会那么紧张了吧

太可惜了，那时还有时间一个礼拜出去玩几次呢！！

大学的时候追求的就是分数上的进步，本质上总觉得没什么前进
好像，每天都是为了分数，赶交差
在这里，如果有时间想什么的话，优先考虑的已经不是分数了


过一天就好像是过了两三天
就今天吧，早上明明就在图书馆打了几小时的工
可忙了一天下来晚上再回到图书馆时，居然会懵一下
0.0 今天星期几，是昨天打了工吗
糟了 是不是今天忘了来上班了~~
总觉得早上打工的事，好像是昨天前天的事
特别遥远，特别朦胧，时间观念特别抽象

第一年时还有抽时间练口译 那时候更没天没夜了
现在把目标转向巩固基础
很难，真的很难
看不到进展是最艰难的煎熬了
可是就算不知道自己有没有进步，
心里某个大海上的帆船却开始前进了
直觉告诉我，这方向是对的

每天要记的，做的，都特别繁杂
各种各样的时间表，deadline,作业内容，哪个是两周一次，哪个是一周一次的
最近接了通志愿翻译，打工，化妆打扮（这个很费神，可是不做不行！）
一大堆的求职准备（明天就是工作展了！！加油！！）

一天下来 实在是疯狂

由于没有做记录本的习惯，全程脑记解决
（其实还挺羡慕别人拿着可爱的笔记本勤劳的记啊记的）
。。。几年后还能这样嚣张的过吗
这样疯狂逞强嚣张的日子
压力山大 很累 但很充实 也很过瘾
我非常非常珍惜

敬业

订阅了纽约时报好几个月了
但实在是没时间每天看
 决定取消订阅
于是今早下定决心
7点爬起来就给他打了通电话
 （取消订阅必须电话联络）
 （EST时间10点）

结果遇上了一个热情的接线员
那是个神接线员啊
简直把你当朋友聊了
你说什么她反应都超好
邻家大妈的水准不是盖的
又是甜言蜜语 又是优惠
还没弄懂什么跟什么时
我居然又答应续期了


7点早上果然太早了
脑袋还没开始转呢

Binders for CNY

It is almost impossible to tune out Chinese New Year celebration with the existence of Facebook, twitter, whatsapp and whatsoever SNS medias out there.

In contrast to the merry celebration going on in Malaysia, it is just another day here in Monterey. Sunday, like any other Sundays, are lined up with translation after translation into J, into E, and more hours in the library.

This would be my fourth year away from CNY celebration back home. Last year I had a bunch of Japanese kids in Ehime for company, taught class after class, and more translation, well at least my colleagues remembered I am "sort of" Chinese, and wished me Happy CNY and that's about all.

This year, I am stuck with binders and precision sand molds for CNY. Trying really hard focus, not to think about what's going on on the other side of the world. Facebook is just annoying, had me stuck in a I-want-to-be-part-of-it-but-I-don't-want-to-be-part-of-it inner war.

OK, I have so much on my plate, and I really should get back on track.
Happy CNY.  

I am a

light sleeper.

I am used to having vivid dreams. People used to wonder if their dreams are colored. Mine are not only colored, I hear, I smell, my senses are very much alive as I am awake. Most of the time I remember the last few moments when I open my eyes, and occasionally, the whole story.

I remember this dream I had when I was in high school. At the beginning, I found myself in a mini bus, an old school bus where the seats were almost rusted. There were two rows of seat that are aligned vertically in front, and others horizontally just as the usual. I was riding with about six other passengers, they were wearing white arab robes, and looking grim. I could still remember the door of the bus was wide open, and wind gushed in as the bus proceeds. I smell something in the air, a mixture of tiger balm and incense. One of them was carrying a cremation urn, that was when I realized I was in the middle of a funeral parade. I forgotten how I felt, only remembering vaguely that I wasn't very surprised.

Then we arrived at a mosque. Don't recall the color, only remember that it was huge. We stopped in front of a small entrance, with a tiny door at the side. The chanting was not as loud as I thought it would be from such close distance. Kinda soft, and soothing. There was a white rugged cloth hanging from the hinge of the door, we have to lift it up before entering the compound. The next thing I remember was, the mosque was filled to the brim with water. Clear blue, chlorinated pool water. I was very close to the round and pointed ceiling as I swam around. After swimming around for sometime, I decided to leave, and I had to dive under to look for the tiny entrance that I came in.  Then I woke up.

Definitely one of my weirdest dream ever.

They say there are many ways you can interpret a dream. I don't. For me, they are simple an encounter, where logic does not take place. But I feel everything but unnatural when I was in it. 

--I have never been to a mosque, seen it plenty of times, but never set foot in one.
--Neither do me or anyone close to me carries tiger balm.


  

这些年

离家这些年
虽然别人问起 你会想家吗
我都说不太会 不太恋家

过去20几年 有家人在身边 拌拌嘴 热热闹闹
现在过年过节最舍不得的就是家人的陪伴了

能在家人身边多待几年 就是几年的福了

在外这些年

兜兜转转几处都让我成长不少
我总时时告诫自己

说话要三思熟虑 有时能少说一句就一句
可一面对家人 越是在乎的人 越是难以收放自如
盖了电话 会想 如果刚刚换个说法 听的人就会舒服一点了

毕竟人不在跟前 说的不好听想耍宝讨喜也没机会了
一根刺 就这样卡在心里


又一年过去  

2015年 比往年更迷惘
一路摸索过来 竟也比往年更清醒了
感谢亲友一路相伴
感谢与我擦肩而过，开拓新视野，丰富我人生的路人甲乙丙丁戊己庚辛。。。
2016年 我会学的更多 活得更漂亮 

 

Sight translation

Had my first sight translation class today and our dear professor decided to have us all on stage. By the way on stage, simply meant in front the class.

We were given an English speech by Michelle Obama, her first speech as a First Lady at University of California, Merced. Looking at the looong and never ending speech blankly, we were to translate it verbally into Japanese right away. Luckily, we were each assigned to around 3 paragraphs each, and have 1 minute to prepare after our names were called. 

I have no idea when my turn will come and that terrifies me. I usually put my hand up ASAP and have it over before I knew it. This time round, I froze when my name was called. Beth was before me, she had the papers in her hands that shook so violently that it made me super nervous. 

As I walked to the front, I put in much force and attention so that my hands and papers wouldn't be shaking like leaves, that I forgotten that my direct input was my voice. I heard my voice shaking. It was really funny, I heard my shaky vocal and I can't do anything to stop it. My brain was so occupied with the speech content, Japanese grammar, Keigo, that I can't do anything to my stupid voice.

This will probably be one of my most significant body unsynchronized experience that I will remember for a long time. 

It was hilarious, when it was all over and me sitting in my room.

Transition

Aug 13th 2013

Marks another turning point in my life. 

Embarking on a journey alone to this foreign country, where the word freedom is defined at different level compared to where I came from or where I have been at, got me thinking a lot before I set foot on this place. 

It took me sometime to realised that I am leaving home. 

Departing to Japan in 2010 was an exciting journey. I knew it was a once in a life time, time limited experience. It was, I enjoyed. 

However, departing to US was a different one. There are too much unseen possibilities. Will I come home? Will I continue to stay. My people, my country, the things I know, will this journey change the way I look at them when I come back later. The changes is probably the biggest factor is this confusion. The fear for the unknown. There are too many things to weigh on, that I decided to just close my eyes and walk straight ahead. I made the decision, I stick to it.   

It was a confusing stage, with a lot of monologue, but I somehow got through.  

Everyone has an American dream. Or so they say. I have no idea what they meant about, seriously. 

The path I chose somehow leads me here. 

And I am lucky to fulfil it because of the support I have from home. There is no way I would have made it here alone. It would take decades. I am grateful, and thankful to have this opportunity. 

Therefore, I will definitely not go home empty handed. 

This is hard, however I'd love to think that the stress level that I endure now, will somehow lead to the discovery of my new self, a whole new collection of rich experience, and knowledge in the field I chose. 

Seriously, I salute the professors I met, they are of different expertise and experience, one day I will achieve the superman/superwoman image that they portrayed in my eyes at this very moment.   

Bye,

Today will mark my last day in Publika.

Haven't said goodbye to YC. But we will have time for another meet up. 

My resume will be really colorful. 

My brother was saying..you jump from one to another too fast. 

Days in HP during my days before F6 lasted for 4-5 months, can't really remember. Reason: I have to enter F6. 

Days with JETRO lasted for 5 months. That was different. Reason: Project basis. 

Days with M in Publika lasted for 3 months and a week. This is a jump. Leaving because I want to. 

This place left me with a bad impression on Japanese companies or..man that look like my current boss. 

I learn a lot, in 3 months. According to my parents, paid nothing for a live lesson, thanks to all the politic session between the 3 of them, and me in the middle. Nah..i am just a peanut in their big game. But one of them have to use a peanut like me to start a game. 

It is interesting to come across someone like him. 

I could probably go on and on on how anal he is..how i-can't-do-anything-without-my-wife he is, or how gutless he is, but lets just stop here. 

However, there is one thing i would like to share. 

Expats from Japanese companies, overall have the same trait. 

1. They got married LATE, like 40s LATE. 

2. Or, they got married, divorced, married...

3. Age 40+, single. 

...Does not apply to every company, every individual, just a general image. 

The whole story is much more complicated, but I prefer to keep things simple. 

I came in Jan 2013 hopping to stay for a year, but I am glad to leave today, not tomorrow.

夫妻

仔细看看身边一些夫妻范例

看了都会让我觉得心里不平衡

或许我看到的只是这一面

妻子嫁了给丈夫

地位从宝贝下跌至奴隶

看家养家还不够

丈夫的事业也要帮忙

帮得不好还要给脸色看

妻子本有的人生变成了牺牲

或许她觉得为自己心爱的另一半付出是应该的 是幸福的

可是我觉得至少，至少大家该做到相敬如宾的一层吧

如果一味把过门的妻子当成辅助品，附属品

相互的情谊日夜减少 最后妻子原有的幸福会剩多少

你有人生，女人也该有人生

心甘情愿给了你半个人生

互相尊重这点总该做到吧

。。。。最近看到的例子有点受到冲击

对啦你情我愿 的确是他们家的事啦

可是有时看到会心寒一下，

大家都是父母养的，没有哪家的女儿生下来愿意乖乖做男人一辈子的奴隶吧

看戏有时也会看到，对家里养的宠物都好过对老婆

在想。。如果有一天到了这地步

勇敢放手展开新一段人生的又有几个

儿女，钱财牵绊 也不是说断就断

人生。。。哎

 

进步

翻回几十年前朋友们的面子书时

真是百般滋味在心头。。

。。我们还真是漂流得够远了

以前在小学中学食堂天天都见得到的朋友，现在不管是实际或心理上的距离都飘得远了

单是看comment栏就觉得陌生了

呵呵 毕竟在我心里大家的印象都停留在12，15岁

当时大都说华文，突然冒出高深莫测的英文当然陌生啦 哈哈

同一个年代，同一个时空， 距离却那么远  心理确实有些小遗憾

可以确定的是我们都在以自己的方式前进

所以说，每每看回老朋友们的面子书，就会提醒自己该进步了

毕竟在同一个轨道绕久了，就会逐渐忘记外面世界其实很大

放远视野  就会停止在原地踏步  持续向前迈进！！

履历表

记得幼稚园到中学，成绩单都必须由父母来领吧

上了大学，就没有这种感觉了

可是 最近这种一年一度的评审大会似的感觉又回来了

2012/2013年 该会是我24年人生里最迷茫的两年了

我曾这么想过：

我是艘小船

孤独的在一片汪洋大海中漂泊

没有大风大浪，平静的海面上什么都没有

放眼望去 一片大海 没有大船在前 也没有其他小船同行

绚丽缤纷黄昏与灰蓝海之间的界线  成不了我的路标

是在前进，还是在后退

这种什么都做不了 什么都不知道的日子真的很难挨

所以我什么都做了

手上抓到什么就是什么

填了无数履历表

奖学金，升学，就职

从一开始盲目的填，然后就是慢慢的

直到这两年才开始每填一份就让我反思一遍

靠语言吃饭的觉悟 到现在才完全领悟

快要被不足感淹没了

什么都填“优”的自信，开始崩解

常常会质疑自己有否到达对方所谓“优”的标准

所以我说，这哪点不像一年一度的评审。。

不同的是这两年不是一年一度，几乎是两月一度吧

想，

总有一天我一定可以自信满满的钩上“优”

台下一分钟台下十年功

2013年，我的第一年才刚开始呢

ー20代の努力が将来の価値を高めるー  　　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　手島さん

 挨吧！！

安慰

男生不了解女生

其实女生有时也不懂女生最需要的是什么

这时候我就会希望我听得到他在想什么

然后给他他所需要的

可是如果听到了

他最想听的，最想得到的，却没办法给与

我应该会难过吧

最好的安慰方式 是什么呢

Granpa I miss you

One day, me and my mum was cooking behind.

We were standing by the stove, and mum went away for a while. 

We were in a conversation, i was busy talking to myself (or rather to my mum, but she ignores me on constant basis, i talked too much) 

Me: OMG! Did you smell something??

Mum: (Inside, busy) What? 

Me: OMG! Like the burning during Ching Ming for ah gong ~!!!

Mum: .... (ignored again.. i think she got use to my weird thoughts)

Me: MUM~~!!! Did you smell this?? or is it just me!!!!

(Mum came out at last..)

Mum: What? 

Me: (explains all over again)

Mum holds up a piece of paper board (used on the stove to prevent oil stains)

Mum: This caught fire, i was putting water on it -_-

-____-

continues..

Me: it smelled alike mar..

Mum: of course, they are all papers.. 

-___-

continues

Mum: Why, you did too many bad deeds?

Me: er...no lar, if ah gong wants to appear, i would be grateful to see him! But r...at least let me know a biiiit in advance, better tell me date time venue, that would be nice hehehe

写

可能我都比较懒
快乐伤心第一时间想和别人分享

可是，拖着拖着。。。。就忘了 嘿嘿
变成回到家里沉淀心情时，就已经没什么好抒发了

最近看见华的部落格，提醒了我这里的存在
相隔一年再续缘^^

我不说

发牢骚，

总觉得，是像把解决不了的事情散播出去

理清头绪的说话出发点，和发牢骚的出发点完全不一样

那样心情就会好一点？我不觉得。

最近很常潜意识的控制自己

在把话说出口之前都会斟酌，再三斟酌

有时真的是忍不住已经把电话拿在手了

但还是最终用其他事情分散注意力

说了，增添他人烦恼

说了，解决不了我会更烦

所以都会想，

有必要说吗。

反正，过一阵子，几个小时，甚至几分钟后心情就会好了

当然，事情还是还没解决

不过，至少不说，省了后悔，担心对方会不会挂心，或者会不会是很没诚意的听

希望我能把“不记”的本事，永久保留。

*twinkle*

Out of the blue I thought..

   Marriage = Having a new partner in crime(PIC)??

Someone who will be your PIC, goes through the rest of life with you, on your side. Put all the laws and regulations aside, as long as you say this is right, we will do it together.

Hatred

Came across a post on FB.

Other than its original motive, it had expanded overboard, besides reuniting, sharing, somehow the ones that received thousands of clicks overnight are posts filled with hatred, jealousy that leads to bitter and venomous feedbacks. It seems to attract the most attention, mostly negatives though, that protracted all over the society.

Teenagers they are. I say, they do have a mind set of their own. Immature? Probably. Ugly words seem to stand out better in attention seeking. The one who started it, does she really meant all she said? Or she just did it for the sake of attention.

FB does mislead. How many of those who commented knew her well? 99.9% of them are strangers probably. Many vent their anger through FB. She might be one of them. A thoughtless act that lead to endless word assault online.

The thing is, who knows??? What is real, and what is not?

Why spread ugliness before you knew it. Why all the offensive retort when you are not in the circle.

An eye for and eye, and this lead one tragedy to another. Well, different situation if its kindness. See, one kindness returns another.

Keep the foul words to yourself. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all.

放下

2011年，我学会了“放下”。

是否有过这样的经验？

肚子很饿，面前的盘子装了块草莓蛋糕，垂手可得。

可是你讨厌吃草莓蛋糕。

最爱的巧克力蛋糕店离你家可远了。

营业时间又不定，千里迢迢走到那里时，白跑一趟也说不定。

重点是，你很饿了。

面前的草莓蛋糕？还是未知数的巧克力蛋糕？

确定了自己最想要的，就不会顾虑那么多了吧。

就算是未知数，我也想兜一圈，看一看。

就算草莓蛋糕再美味，再华丽，再价值连城

现在的我，已经决定停止乱抓，学会放下它，去追求我真正想要的。