May is the month that determines if I get to stay on. I am blessed to have family and friends who kept checking in with me, asking about my status. Guys, I am hoping to have an answer soon. But before that, I am as clueless as everyone else.
June is fast approaching, my last day, June 6th,is just around the corner. If it is just me, I wouldn't be that anxious. With everyone asking and expressing their worries on behalf of me, that got me anxious. I am easily affected by atmosphere around me, much more than I care to admit.
But come to think of it, this is not my first time doing a switch.
When I was in college, I made the call to apply for the 1 year experience abroad. The interview was in March, and result was out in August. A long5 months wait.
When I applied for MIIS and UQ, the wait was about 2 or 3 months for the letter of acceptance.
When I decided to go on a gap year, gosh the whole process was so fast that I can't remember what happened exactly. But it was all is settled within 2 months, and I was in Singapore and Japan later.
When I applied for various companies after graduation, the wait for the offer letters to come wasn't that long, 2 weeks or less, but it felt like months have past.
The wait is getting shorter, however it felt more intense one after another. Maybe it is because there are more at stake each time. Moving 5 times in 2016 was crazy tiring. Moving my stuff around the globe is going to be worst. I guess that part stresses me out a lot.
Recently someone told me something that enlightened me.
Look straight, think of what you want to do, what you want to become and you will achieve it. Or at east be on track working towards that. Yes, there are plenty of conditions and factors in life that you have to consider, but do not let that weigh in more than where you want to be.
After 20 some years, I am still not 100% sure about what I am looking for. There is always doubt. but say if I were to go down that path again, I will be making the same decisions I bet.
May was especially tough at some times. It seems after all these months, my life decided to stir up a whirlwind after being calm and tranquil for most of the time.
I was in an accident at the beginning of the month. No one was hurt, and I wasn't at fault. The person that bumped into me was nice. Still the whole process felt long and gruesome. After 2 weeks, it finally got settled, and I got my car back from the shop, in dust though, they didn't bother to clean it for me.
Then I was in a difficult situation with my agency, a lot for me to take in after almost a year of employment. At a point, all I wanted to do is to leave them, and not have anything to do with them ever. But in actuality, I can't. I woke up everyday, tormented by these thoughts for almost a week. I tried talking sense into myself. To focus on what I am really aiming for, that these are the rough patches between that. Now I did feel a whole lot better. The world is never going to change, so I have to. Till now, I have done my best to negotiate, I did what I could on my end, and there is nothing more that I can do at this point.
There should be more to worry about during these months of change, but with these on my plate, its almost full that I don't have the energy to worry about others. It is sort of a blessing :)
May will soon past and June will come. Let the real change began.
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