安慰

男生不了解女生

其实女生有时也不懂女生最需要的是什么

这时候我就会希望我听得到他在想什么

然后给他他所需要的

可是如果听到了

他最想听的，最想得到的，却没办法给与

我应该会难过吧

最好的安慰方式 是什么呢

Hatred

Came across a post on FB.

Other than its original motive, it had expanded overboard, besides reuniting, sharing, somehow the ones that received thousands of clicks overnight are posts filled with hatred, jealousy that leads to bitter and venomous feedbacks. It seems to attract the most attention, mostly negatives though, that protracted all over the society.

Teenagers they are. I say, they do have a mind set of their own. Immature? Probably. Ugly words seem to stand out better in attention seeking. The one who started it, does she really meant all she said? Or she just did it for the sake of attention.

FB does mislead. How many of those who commented knew her well? 99.9% of them are strangers probably. Many vent their anger through FB. She might be one of them. A thoughtless act that lead to endless word assault online.

The thing is, who knows??? What is real, and what is not?

Why spread ugliness before you knew it. Why all the offensive retort when you are not in the circle.

An eye for and eye, and this lead one tragedy to another. Well, different situation if its kindness. See, one kindness returns another.

Keep the foul words to yourself. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all.

放下

2011年，我学会了“放下”。

是否有过这样的经验？

肚子很饿，面前的盘子装了块草莓蛋糕，垂手可得。

可是你讨厌吃草莓蛋糕。

最爱的巧克力蛋糕店离你家可远了。

营业时间又不定，千里迢迢走到那里时，白跑一趟也说不定。

重点是，你很饿了。

面前的草莓蛋糕？还是未知数的巧克力蛋糕？

确定了自己最想要的，就不会顾虑那么多了吧。

就算是未知数，我也想兜一圈，看一看。

就算草莓蛋糕再美味，再华丽，再价值连城

现在的我，已经决定停止乱抓，学会放下它，去追求我真正想要的。

彷徨期

小学一次，高中毕业一次，高三一次，大学一次，奖学金无数次，现在又一次，我还要彷徨多少次？

也是，人生如果通通预测得到，大家想看电影一样都看得到，100岁的人生可能5分钟就走完了。无趣啊。。

我常说，船到桥头自然直。可船破了，不就到不了岸了吗？哪儿来的自然直？所以，路，总是需要补，需要铺的吧。

一个决定，一个闪失就可以左右我一生？

不是，不是，该来的，就会来。我很努力的告诉自己。

时机，成败一瞬间？到没有那么严重。

说到底，做人，什么都少，就烦恼多。

想太多，不像我。

奢望什么，贪恋什么；不望，不盼。

像以往一样，到了，就会懂得伸手了。

别伸手乱抓了，去睡吧。。。

Who knows..

Unpredictable..

You may have all your plans carefully planned ahead

But who knows..

Things might just end up differently.

tell me

tell me

噩梦。。

考试的前一刻，

慌慌张张的看回以前的notes..

特别特别冗长的facts，还在那里想要怎样背

根本背不进！！

朋友们已经准备好纸笔进考场了。。

我还在那里跳脚

为什么我没有准备这张??

太有自信？？

然后就匆匆把notes丢一边，

冲进考场了

然后就是前半部看不懂，后半部可以猜得状况

这样跳脚的情节，还真是久违了

form 6 有我最狼狈不堪的回忆

通宵（本小姐考试从不通宵）背来又背去

整本化学课本还是80%看不懂

本人理解能力有限公司，记忆也是有限公司

教室里坐我前面是全班第一，

第一的旁边坐着第二，

坐我旁边的她总是5名以内

可以说，围绕着我的风水位的统统都是班上的先锋

天天都有朋友来问这问那

还真是热闹

也很羡慕他们能头头是道的解释，辩解

虽然不是听得很懂

却很喜欢看他们为了某某方程式争得连下课也不用去了

我？当然只是在那里傻笑。。

为了考试，通宵不睡的人还真是不少

可是如果通宵可以让我明白那些乱七八糟的理论的话

那还有价值

就是不明白。。

进了考场，把问卷从头看到尾

不是看有那一题答不了

而是看看得懂那一题

然后就把能用的答案全部写下来

相关的也好

不相关的也好

全部写完

所以，到今天还是很珍惜能一进考场

就能从头答到尾的感觉

2个小时对着看不懂的问卷，真的很恐怖

久违的噩梦让我想起这样的一段往事

那一年半，是我极珍贵回忆中的一部分

病歪歪

好久没病得那么惨了

连续病了几个星期

发烧，伤风，退烧，又发烧

好了，明天又倒了。。

病到一塌糊涂还要自己去烧药

哈哈哈。。我还真的被他们他们笑掉牙了

这楼出了个每天碎碎念的的她，还有个药味很重的我，天天在那里搅那锅黑汤

很棒的魔女家族

结果这次统统都没效

越病越重

病到去医院还是头一遭

可恶的医院，

居然要收我rm200++的入门费，

这里的大医院统统都需要小医生的介绍书

没那张纸条，不用病死你，就先贵死你

黄金周我上哪儿找小医生呵？？学校校医闭关放假，周边连个诊所的影都没。。

气死我。。转头丢掉那份填好的病患资料，就这样走出门外了

出了门还真的很想哭

眼泪要往下掉时还记得提醒自己丢脸回家才丢

可恶的大学

大得可怕

找个巴士站，差不多绕了半个地球

问了n个学生

还有幸福的小孩笑嘻嘻跟我说。。。从来没搭过巴士耶

巴士站还分来回两不同站

大老远从地球另一端又走回这一段

头都快烧得冒烟了

可恶。。早知道就搭对面的地铁回家就好了

呜。。呜。。可恶。。

医生没见到，倒是中国朋友的药有效。。

半天下来烧退了一半了

头脑也清醒了

想想。。不是没有钱就不要生病

而是rm200介绍费？？不是给不起咧。。

拿了你们政府的钱，还把大半还给你们政府的医院？

医疗费我没话说。。介绍费？？？？

话说现在不是计较金钱的时候，死了半分都拿不回我也懂

但。。。。。。

想，我还有力气走下去所以才酱爽快转头走人吧

再想，大难不死必有后福

哈哈哈

想到就开心

why

Why do people tend to blame others when things doesn't go as they wished.

Probably when you have things too much in your way that you can't stand when plans doesn't go as you want.

Plain Stupid.

When you head is so hot, you can't think straight. Yes i understand. But when this happens too frequent, you are sick. You don't just throw your temper around people you are close with assuming they will take it all in. When will you grow up, you tell me. If you are so afraid of others pointing out your faults why not perfect yourself, polish yourself.

Of all words, you should just learn to look things on the bright side. As if you need to be told.

有时

对人不太信任

交际手段不够高明

太过自以为是

就变成现在的我

当身边的朋友已经开始定下来

找到属于自己的鱼群时

发现我还是个lone ranger..

跟谁都可以。。

最近让我思考这个的来源：她问我，你在那里，跟哪国人最要好

谁都好吧

谁都可以

有机会给我固定

却给我到处绕，绕掉了

是我想要的结局

但，但，但

有时

也会希望我属于某个鱼群

。。。。

不想了

把感情，义气看得很重

最后搞得自己很累

这种蠢事，要心甘情愿去做才作得开心

一生人，寥寥几个就够了

勉强的下场---通常收尾都很难看

不是封闭我自己

而是在等另一个我甘心掏肺的知心

想说话。。

这样的感觉持续了蛮久的

还以为渐渐的会淡忘习惯

24/7全天一种语言的感觉

我应该会记到永远

想家到还不会，

只是想说“马来西亚”语

卡在中间不上不下的感觉还蛮妙的

中文？？

你确定你说的是中文？？-正版中国人

英文？？

听起来好像少了点。。糖？盐？

马来文。。省略，没人听得懂（听过）

而且，重点是

大家都跟你说日文

在马来西亚应该是太习惯一天多姿多彩的3种语言

来到这里不自觉就觉得一种很不够。。表达？？

一天里面可以就100%日文（non skype days)

too used to rojak..

有点窒息的感觉，喘不过气。。

Miracle~

what ever you do, even if its impossible,

at least you TRY.

-me-

In a country like Msia, people take things too easily.

Live a good life, with a "tidak apa" attitude.

Here, things that are 当たり前、somehow doesn't applies there.

So, extra efforts are needed when you need to get things done. But, at least you try.

"Miracles" happen..

日本

Yes, i am here.

To a whole new, well, probably "different" place might be the right word.

Same place, but different mind set.

The first lesson that I am learning: Not to take things easily. Including myself.

Really appreciate the fact that i actually got this chance to explore myself.

～自分探し

1 year, how much difference will it make, how much of the old me will it change.

I am interested in knowing the answer.

At this moment of my life, strictly speaking, yet to have a personality of my own.

Yet to get a grasp of "me".

Yet to make my visions clear.

I still do not know what i want at the moment.

With this me at this moment, i am clear of the fact that i will not be able to move much further than i am supposed to.

Naked truth.

Like what 渡辺教授said to me during the monbusho interview session, receiving this scholarship, its just a start to everything, the key. The chart he visualized to me was sky high, and i am at the bottom line. And that is when i told him my aim. But, to think of it, is that my real aim? or is it a temporary aim, just to score the scholarship. Whichever is it, I had done it, and got what i wanted in the end. But, i do not want to disappoint him. Which i am afraid i will, if i continue the way i am at the moment.

FRUSTRATION.

I have to put a stop to this whole....lost, unsure, unsecured, aimless, whatever!! status that i am at now. But, i do not know how to, besides studying hard, concentrating hard, doing everything hardcore, and end up feeling lost AGAIN. This time along with exhaustion as well. Tired and hopeless.

This was reflected through my attendance during add and drop week. At first, I attended from the 1st period right up to the last period. And today, I only attended half. Things are getting worse.

Feeling like a headless fly.

Question: What do I really want?

?

ambition= unknown

dream= unknown

But, even with the above condition, I am a strong believer of -

I will try to do my best, give my best in whatever I am doing at the moment. To be stronger, to be tougher and to be prepared for whatever that awaits me in my future.

I am the one to choose who I will be in future.

From now.

太得空

什么事都不用做时，才烦。

什么事都轮不到你来控制时，更烦。

打从3月 面试 到8月成绩揭晓，

足足把心脏挂在半空挂了5个月，

有点麻痹了。

从迫不及待，着急不安

等到。。有点反感了

结果就变成事事都无所谓，天塌下来都无所谓的感觉

。。。还真是获益良多

怎么处理自己乱七八糟的情绪

怎么說服自己用平心看待结局

现在回想起来。。

已经回想不起来了

现在看回去，很多细节都很模糊

不过，很深刻的是

当初想要那份奖学金的心态

那种感觉到现在都很明确

当时发生在周围的一切好像都在乱转乱飘

只有那个念头是沉重的，直直的

带着我做完一个步骤， 再做下一个

没有任何犹豫，或是铺第二条路的想法

但，现在到手了

很开心，倒是没有想象中那么开心

反而身边的人比我更兴奋

太平心看待了吗

还是心冷了

现在却竟然会开始犹豫，恐惧倒是还没有

不过以我的性格因该到了机场才会感觉到

什么都不用做了

什么都不用准备了

反而觉得不自在

被告知申请宿舍居然什么过程都不用

别人却忙得手忙脚乱

有点怕怕咧

真的？

真的？

很没真实感

re 亲爱的

人很好相处

不代表可以被你随便对待

我不是你的男朋友/女朋友

没有义务绕着你的世界转

也没有义务包容你的全部

“自”“私”要适可而止

切记有舍才有得

自重

New Year

A review of 2008....

1. I got my first job as cashier/waitress at a restaurant at a SUPER low pay of RM700 per month. working from 10am to 12am. Supid enough to work for almost 2 mths.

2. I got my second job as a telesales person at HP. Learn alot of stuff. Attractive commission rate. I earn arnd 9k++ during the 3 mths there. G reat job. Stressful though...

3. My STPM was a failure. I got 2.67, barely scrape through the border line. A big disgrace compare to my previous achievements since UPSR. 

And i finally realise i sucked in Science. Lucky I studied STPM. 

4. I went to Japan in mid May for around 1 month. My second trip. The Japanese were great host. But, I realise Malaysians might be better. Great place for study trips, short stay, travelling, but not for future living. Go elsewhere...

4. I got into University Malaya, Faculty of Linguistics. And found great classmates inside the old and ugly building..

5.The first ever robbery i encounter occured in my hostel. Crazy as it sounds, everyone was the victim. The hostel was under construction during hols, and all our doors, locker, were forced open, ransacked. Lots of stuff gone mising, like water bottles, food, money, clothes....even slippers. And it was all nothing compare to my roommates' loss--she lost her RM1.5K electronic dictionary.

6. I made a crane with my team out of wires and papers in less than 5 days. As tall as me!!!

7. I made friends from all over Malaysia, esp the Sabah, Labuan, Sarawakians, and the Penangs. Best thing ever!!

8. My results for the 1st semester was 3.95, closest figure i ever got in all the recent exams i been through to perfect 4.0. 

9. I actually went to a New Year Countdown Party that i destested so much. I hate the hot and sizzling atmosphere, sweaty and sticky all over. Standing in the box of sardines from 10.30pm to 12am just to wait for the burst of fireworks over my head. The impact was great. My ears was deafened by the shooting fireworks, and ashes of the remainings all over!! @_@ 

10. I think.... I am beginning to like everything about my new environment...besides the robbery part. I will put up with that, considering the fact that i m living in Malaysia. 

So,

2008

ends well...

.

.

.

.

.

2009

New Year, New Start.

 

   

Merry Christmas!!!

Although me and my family don't really celebrate Christmas, still, it's a holiday!! which means---family day a.k.a. house cleaning day(HCD).

HCD is usually every Saturday, Sunday and every public holiday.

Car washing, house cleaning, doing the laundry, so...u can immagine how is my christmas like.

ANYWAAAAY.....

I read alot of story books, mostly by Enid Blyton when I was younger. So Christmas to me is something non-realistic, dreamy kind of celebration.

Santa doesn't exist. That's the problem.

But i still like it.

The decorations in shopping complex are something to look forward to. This year, I favour KLCC's and The Curve's decoration. The gigantic Christmas tree at the centre of KLCC is utmost noticeble by everyone who had visited there. Its almost 4 stories high up, and dunno why, i like it ALOT though its just a tree, and not much decoration on it too. Simple and nice! As for The Curve's, normal Christmas decoration, put up near the entrance of the curve, with lots of chrismas dolls along with the wonderful designs in the smalll circle. Even my mom likes it!You will find it hard to take pics inside cause it's always crammed with ppl!!!! Its worth a visit...

Christmas...hm....it means end of the year too.

New Year coming!!!

assumptions..

"Never judge a book by its cover"

It's not a new phrase, but it suddenly hit on to me recently.Just realised how true....is it.

I think most girls encounter this.

There is surely somebody around you, a really "special" weirdoo, that you girls bitch about at her back. Either she has an utmost stunning appearance, or her attitude sucks.

Well, there is this person at my college who scores in both criteria.

When girls sit down, they do nothing but gossips. So, she is quite "well-known" even at the begining of the semester. Her attitude is 'superb', with the turning-on-a-white-eye experession as her significant appearance, plus a super blast of sarcastism.

And, she really did freak me out on the first encounter.

 She was soo well, ignorant. And the words she chose....phew..super sarcastic. So, i actually put in mind to stay away from her. But, as i don't really have a chance to choose, we were on the same team AGAIN. 

I was like.. 'oh god...how r...' and my roommate was like..'cham lar  u, she very scary 1 le..'....which made me worried more. so, i decided that  if she is going to play with her sarcastism..well, don't think i m gonna loose at that too..

Haha...but in the end, my sarcastism didn't get to show. I m still sweet and nice twds her. Maybe,it just doesn't work on girls. I think yan chyi might understand that haha..looking at what we were in form 6.

And as for her, i actually had the feeling that she isn't that snappy as most of them thought, i think she is cute though, plus great talent in arts, big diff. Got alot of her white eye though, she is the first girl i had seen rolling her eye so often in that sort of dramatic way when she's pissed. 

Guess it takes time to understand someone.

I m BACK!

Back in Malaysia at last...

i was back last week, after 1 month in Japan, i brought my host sister along with me to Malaysia.
With no extra bedrooms available besides the store in my house, i have to camp in the study room as i m giving out my room to Miyo...ahem..in a presentable state lar...my normal room state would have drove her back to Japan immediately.

back home, finding myself quite far behind the all ongoing news here...and definitely not going to read through all the old news paper.

And also......i m going to UM....Faculty of Linguistic.

With things swirling around me at the moment, everything seems to happen really fast, rushing up to me.
I am currently programming myself to accept the fact that i m going to a UNIVERSITY, next next week, study and live there.
OKAY.....i will need 2 or 3 days for that.
Is not that i m worried that i wont be able to go home or so,
just that..i cant believe i m entering a UNI, same kind of feeling when i was in kindergarten, entering primary school.

Ahaha...i sound kiddy...just need time to digest.

wth..........

Its 2.30 am in the morning.....

no, to be specific, 2.57am now.

And i m still here, sitting infront of the PC ..

well...i was asleep just now though, but just couldn't get into deep sleep.

Right, today STPM result is coming out.

And i m getting it at 12pm.TODAY.

er.....i m not too sure wether i m too nervous or what....

cause,

I CAN'T STOP DREAMING ABOUT MY JOB, NOT STPM!!!!!

It's like one after another in my dreams...scenarios of my job.

Reciting the product infos over and over again .....!!!!!! %^&*#$%^&*#$

Seriously,I m going mad.....

and this is not the first day having such dreams....I can say....since young also started already. Just that those are not job related, which doesn't drive me insane. My dreams had never stopped in my sleep, which means, i had never have a peaceful night, or ever did i went into deep sleep.

What i couldn't stand is--------it's all job related, and i m so tired of them now.

After the newspaper advertised on our newly launched campaign -TM STREAMYX yesterday, calls flood in like mad asking on this campaign, and of course the previous one Citibank-Shell ones too.

Not forgetting those resellers calling in asking for more info/discounts and so on all sorts of products, i even get calls asking about workstations, power adapter, servers, prrintservers(only today i know what are those) and so on..

Finding infos to tell them is the ok part, which i had slowly learn to deal with, the sticky part is telling them where they can find compatible gadgets to substitute on their product if we don't sell the specific one that customer wants. Which i have NO idea at---Have to bug seniors for infos. Which sometimes i felt, this do irritates them larr.....

still, have to ask. iF NOT, sure kena shoot by customers.

Those are worst than complaint calls.

For today, i really enjoy these type of cutomer, bcoz it takes longer time to entertain them, no need to pick up the flow of calls flooding in.

We dun even have time to put on 'not ready mode' . The moment the first call ends, second comes in. really siao.....worst still, i had throat problem, almost wanted to take leave by 4 pm, but still, i took calls till 5.30pm, and ended up feverish. Luckily, by that time the calls reduced alot already.

I suppose is after work effect on me....can't stop dreaming about it although i already not thinking about it.

As for the STPM part, too tired to even fear or to be nervous about it. Leave it till 10 am onwards lar.....2 hours for fear and worries----okok.